Pressing Leaves...

Dear Readers,

What the hell? My Gawd, screw work, who needs that when you have THIS nightmare at home? Jeez-a-loo turns out my job was a continuous holiday and I didn't know! I take back everything I ever thought ever about vacationing stay at home mamas. I truly do. It could have been during nap time last week when I heard my adoptive daughter go crashing into the window of her bed room.

Or perhaps it was the time when my 18 month old decided to RUN down the steps on his head. Maybe it was when I went downstairs to do a load of clothes and my four year old poured himself a glass of grape juice. I am not sure. But somehow, I got out of the shower last week, having only shaved one of my legs. I told my hubs ehhhh....only half sex kay?

Meanwhile in a place I like to call Thriftyville I am also trying this plan your menu crap. Mama Tara does like to cook. However, just thank whoever you believe in everyday you are not one of my kiddos if I have slaved over something new all day, and then you refuse to eat it. OR WORSE you pretend it tastes like pure ass before it even reaches your mouth. It is a fate worse, than death. I MAY EVEN CRY!!!! 

That sucks when I do that because God did not grant me Demi Moore tears. No, pretend a buffalo was human, and the sound it might make if it cried. Then think of the face of a deformed cow, and then you might have me. Oh don't forget the snot and hiccups. Yeah....it's ridiculous. That would probably all be ok if I could stop, oh no, it just keeps getting worse.... mmmmhmmmm "EAAAAAAAAAAAAT your Diiiiner so MAMA dosen't lose her shit!"

Well this week is supposed to be beautiful, I suppose it means rug-rats go outside and I blow bubbles and they chase them? I promise to sing and make merry this week! Perhaps we can collect leaves and press them, and, and, oh shit what the hell are we supposed to do after we press them again?

Reluctantly,

The SAHM

Introducing...me

Dear Readers,

Hello, I have recently been rewarded the wonderful and meaningful gift of staying home with my children. Up until now, I have prided myself on being a working mother. My mom always thought that I didn't want to stay home because I believed it was more work to leave the house! Silly, silly mom. I just never ever wanted to bake, clean, make Halloween costumes, and folks here's the deal... There is no way in hell I could ever be as awesome as my mother. 

She makes potatoes that jump from their plate onto your thighs, wiggle in there, and just stay there until you turn 35. Then God gives your entire family the skinny gene, and they are all in skinny jeans, meanwhile you look like a Hostess truck! I guess that is a whole different line of whining huh?

Anyway, so I always wanted a big family and I had a baby and my mom said. It'll be harder than you think to go back to work! Well I was 26, so I was all, hahahahahah! Mom, it is hard but I can do it so there! What do you know?

Well then I had number 2, and that was harder, and he was a  hand full. But still! We made it work! I told my mom! See this is sooooo working! I can work, Hubs can work, and we can make this work! Ha! I did it!

Then came number 3, and I had this down to an art. However, I did not anticipate that I would also be adopting a child. This is a whole different monster. It is a game changer. It's sort of like I've been playing baseball my whole life and now everyone is like, "here is this football" keep playing as if nothing is different!  But it is shaped funny, and it changes the whole game.

So here I am, starting again at 35, with 4 kids, and staying home for the first time ever. UGH! Playgroups with mommies that enjoy extreme couponing and naughty talk can find a different playmate. However, if you all are looking for a new bitchy playmate, and something snarky to read on Mondays. Well, there's a new bitch at home.

Reluctantly,

The SAHM